Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
