I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
