the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
