you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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