He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
