how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
