I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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