Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
