his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
where are my eyebrows?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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