sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
