Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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