I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
