I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
