i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
