there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
