While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
