Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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