Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
