Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
