i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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