My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
