My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
