Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
