Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
