Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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