she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm too high and old for this...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
