How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
