I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need water and some morals
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
