If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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