its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
