i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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