I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
