i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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