I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
