i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i think i just lost a toe
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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