So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
