Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize