i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
