Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
