We're facebook friends in real life
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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