Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
