you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
