Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
