Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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