I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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