she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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