I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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