I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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