i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
