you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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