So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
