just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
