You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
