I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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