We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
