Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
