I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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