He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
