she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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