Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
