woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
