"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
