he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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