Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, beer. Big fan.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
