I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
