My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
